bonus Fixed Universe content: a love note to Alayna
My precious, Alayna,
The famous philosopher Lao Tzu said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” I used it in my earliest of “love” notes. The ones I wrote dishonestly. The phrase meant nothing to me—it was merely something I’d found in a book of quotes my father kept in the library. Spouting someone else’s words was an easy way to allude to having an emotion for someone that I didn’t have. Include a quote like that about love in a note to a woman, and she would get doe-eyed and ready to drop her panties. She’d believe anything. She’d say and do anything. Make her mush and you could manipulate her heart. All without ever speaking one word of a lie.
Not a pretty story, I know. And perhaps not the most appropriate thing to include in a letter to the woman who has “rocked my world”—your words, not mine, but please bear with me. I do have a point.
You, Alayna, have indeed rocked my world. Even more, you’ve rocked the very foundation of my being. The man who said those words before never believed love was possible. It was a word that expressed a chemical reaction that changed with hormone levels. The emotion could falter and morph and bend and break. What power was there in a word like that? As far as I saw, it was best used by people like me—heartless individuals who used others as a study of the weakness in humanity.
Only because of you do I recognize the complete error of my thinking. The complete error of my existence.
Because of you, I see that love is more than chemicals or hormones, though there is certainly a healthy dose of both in our relationship. But while my main method of expressing feeling for you is through physical connection, you must know that every kiss, every fuck, every glide of my mouth along your pussy—every time I touch you in any way, I am speaking to you in my primary language. Stripped and naked before you, that’s how I always want to be with you, figuratively and literally. Especially literally.
Because of you, I’ve learned that love is more than an emotion that is easily changed and morphed, though you have changed and morphed me into a completely new human being.
Because of you, I know that being loved has given me strength—strength to face the truths of my past, strength to begin again, strength to endure through the obstacles put up by the people who want to tear our love down.
Because of you, I have courage.
And though I never thought of myself as a frightened man, I now know that I was scared shitless before you. I was scared to discover what was inside of me. That even I—broken and flawed as I am—even I was capable of loving. Of being loved. Of being loved by you.
It’s an entirely new universe that you’ve rocked me into, and I am happier than you can ever know to be there with you. While it is no measure of repayment, everything I own is yours—my houses, my businesses, my heart, my soul. My cock.
I offer you all of me, and I gladly accept all of you that you have given to me.
Speaking of which, I’m waiting for you to give all of yourself to me right now. Don’t be wearing any clothing when you join me in the bedroom.