My Journey to Publishing Fixed on You:

In August of 2012, I was a married mother with three young children, one of whom had newly been diagnosed as Autistic. Like many middle class couples, we lived paycheck to paycheck. Student loans loomed over us and credit card debt, and we had a mortgage that was a little outside our comfort range. I was the Director of Music and Liturgy at a small Catholic parish. You can probably imagine that didn’t pay well, so I had other jobs on top of it. I taught piano lessons and did marketing outreach for a few clients. Plus, I worked in billing and marketing for an ophthalmologist office.

All our benefits came from my husband’s job, though. He worked as the general manager of a video rental store called Blockbuster. His hours were crazy, but the most important thing was that he had the ability to make his schedule around mine. We never saw each other, but our kids were taken care of, and we didn’t have to pay for daycare which would have been especially expensive since our youngest had special needs.

Then the worst thing I could think of happen—my husband lost his job. It might not be such a surprise to you since you probably know that Blockbuster went out of business, right around the time that I’m talking about. The worst thing about losing his job was that it was extremely difficult for my husband to find a new one where he could still have flexibility with his schedule. That meant we were living on unemployment and praying.

At the same time I was writing. It’s strange now to wonder how I found the time, but mostly it was when the kids wouldn’t sleep and on my work breaks. I had a couple of manuscripts fully written, and I even had a publishing deal but that book wasn’t going to come out until 2014 (for Take Two which has since been renamed Sex Symbol).  

I was hopeful my books would eventually make us money, but it was so far off in the future. In January of 2013, we were forced to file for bankruptcy. In May, I was sitting in front of a judge and he asked about my manuscripts. I’d reported them as assets because a judge can decide to take any future earnings on certain assets and apply them to the debt that was otherwise written off. This judge gave me that patronizing smile that I’m sure many of us have seen some time in our lifetime and said, “You can keep your little manuscripts.” 

In other words, he had no faith that my books would ever make any money. Which was fine. It meant all our debt was written off by June of that year. Bankruptcy helped a lot, but my husband’s unemployment was going to run out in August. We’d cut expenses enough that we were looking at only a $7,000 annual shortfall. 

Desperate to bring in some more cash, I decided to self-publish one of those manuscripts I was holding onto. On June 24, 2013, Fixed on You went live on the Amazon platform. I vividly remember kneeling in church and praying that the book just brought in $7,000. That’s all I needed. Just $7,000. 

I also tried to do some bargaining with God, which I don’t recommend, because God (or the universe or fate or whatever higher power you might believe in) always know more than you do about how things are going to go. My promise was that even if my book did really well, I would still keep my job at the church. Spoiler: I no longer work there, but I’ll come back to that in a second.

By the end of that first week, we’d made more than $7,000. By early July, we’d made four times that. By August, I was able to quit all my jobs except for the church job. 

(By October, I quit the church job too. A nun who worked for us needed some more hours and a music director from another parish that I really admired (a single dad who had helped me a lot over the years) lost his own job because of budget cuts. I still loved making music for the church, but I volunteered to give it up so my hours could go to that nun and that musical director. I stayed working as a very involved unpaid musician until my very supportive priest died a couple of years later and the new priest kicked me out of volunteering because of what I write, but that’s a story for another day.)

I can’t describe to you what it was like those first few days/weeks/months. Constantly refreshing my book rank. Checking my dashboard obsessively. It was the experience of a lifetime, watching readers discover my little book. Seeing them fall in love with characters I’d created. I had messages asking for more, more, more. My Facebook followers climbed exponentially every day. 

It was a dream come true. Like nothing I’d ever imagined for myself. Or prayers answered, if you believe in that (which I do). My life turned upside down (in the best way) almost over night. My family was taken care of. My husband didn’t have to get another job. He was able to stay home and care for our children who needed the extra support. I was able to focus on writing books. I became a full time writer, and it’s been the most incredible journey.

All because of you. 

Because of readers who saw something special in the story of two broken people. Because of fans who wanted to see more. Because of people who believed that love can and does transform, even if just in the fictional world. 

And I totally understand if that’s you—if you’ve only experienced the transformation of healing from love in book form, I know it’s easy to be jaded. I hope that’s not the case. I hope that you have been loved at the life-changing level the way Hudson and Alayna love. If you haven’t, I hope that you believe it’s possible for the future. 

I know that kind of love exists because my life was transformed by the love of readers around the world, and whether or not you think that counts, I’m here to say it does. I’ve been healed in so many ways I never knew I needed to be healed because of my readers. Because of the words I’ve been allowed to share. Because you’ve validated the stories that used to live only in my heart and mind.

Forty-six plus books later, Fixed on You continues to be the most beloved by my readers. It has been published in more than a dozen other languages. It spent several weeks on the New York Times (as part of the Fixed trilogy bundle), hit number one on Amazon in four different countries, and was named one of the top most downloaded books of 2014 (again as part of the trilogy). Millions of readers have experienced this story in various formats including audiobook and game apps.

Now I’m giving you a version I never thought I’d see exist—this epic love story in gorgeous collectible hardcover. I feel like we earned these, you and me both. We’ve made it through some tough times over these years. Together and each on our own. And I’ve had so much fun revisiting those early days as I’ve written the commentary. I’m especially excited to give you the drink companion recipes that my bestie Kayti McGee created. They highlight key moments in each chapter and make this version of these books extra special. I hope you think so too.

I cannot believe that ten years have passed since that day when a broke young mother pushed publish, closed her eyes, and gave all expectation up to fate. To say it’s been a ride is understatement. It’s been everything. The “church” I work for now exists beyond brick walls. I get to preach love everyday all day long, and forever and always I am indebted to the readers who have made that happen. It’s not hyperbole when I say you fixed me, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart when I tell you I’m fixed on you.