Fixed on You Anniversary Commentary

Chapter One

This wasn’t where the book originally began. In fact, it was the last chapter I wrote for book one. I’d thought it was done and ready to go starting with chapter two, but my critique partner said, “This isn't where the book begins.” So I thought about it and realized a scene where Hudson and Alayna got to interact, before they had the power imbalance of him as her boss, would be an interesting place to start. It was the right choice.

Chapter Two

I had forgotten that the set up of David, Alayna, and Hudson came directly from my real life. I worked part-time at a movie theater and was hoping to be promoted to assistant manager while I was also fooling around with another one of the assistant managers. Our main manager was replaced before I was promoted, and the new guy was super anal about all the cleaning and would come through and wipe a napkin in the popper kettle and show us any streak of oil that showed up. I ended up marrying that guy. His name was not Hudson.

Chapter Three

I’m obsessed with the idea of bubble rooms. I’d never seen anything quite like them before I wrote them into this book (I’ve seen similar ideas since), and I’m not the best at describing physical things, so I futzed with the description for ages. I wanted to create a space that people could look into so there was a voyeuristic feel but also was quiet and private enough for intimate conversations.

Chapter Four

One of my best friends went through a tumultuous few years of working with and being friends with a sociopath. We had endless conversations about the subject around the time I started to write Fixed, and I became very intrigued with the idea that a person might not be capable of the feeling of love as defined by the general public. Writing helps me work through things I don’t understand and/or can’t comprehend. Hudson was born of those conversations.

Chapter Five

I lived in New York for a summer right after high school with a friend in a studio apartment that was so tiny that, when the trundle was pulled out, the bed was as wide as the room. There was no kitchen. Just a microwave in the closet on top of a mini fridge. It was located between Lexington and Third on Fiftieth Street, kitty-corner from the Waldorf.

Chapter Six

My eighty-thousand-dollar student loans were a big strain to me at the time of writing Fixed. Is it obvious that my fantasy was to have them paid off by a wealthy hottie?

Chapter Seven

Here’s how you can tell these books have been out for awhile—Hudson has a Blackberry. Or he did in the original publication. It only got updated at the time of this printing.

Chapter Eight

Confession: I don’t know if there are really any sort of problems for what Alayna suffers from. I did research and found books that addressed “love addictions.” Since writing these books, I’ve discovered that a lot of her lack of impulse control could be attributed to a lot of other issues—ADHD, OCD, bipolar disorder, PTSD, the list goes on. The inspiration of her disorder came from my own obsessive behavior when I was younger (high school, early college). I never actually stalked anyone, but I sure felt like I came close a few times. I was a teen who felt very deeply, and though I eventually grew out of it (or at least, grew into someone who can manage it), these feelings and behaviors from Alayna were very relatable to me. So if anyone wonders if this is a real disorder, all I can say is they are exaggerated traits of my younger self.

Chapter Nine

Writing post-sex conversations are one of my favorite kinds of scenes to write. The characters are naked (usually), and the tension has been stripped, so they very often have their guards down. They’re raw and vulnerable and honest. Alayna talking about her “crazy” was very difficult for her. I don’t think it’s a conversation that could have occurred if it wasn’t right after sex.

Chapter Ten

Everyone who grew up in the ’80s with Pretty Woman understands the appeal of a man who would take you shopping for expensive clothes. Add in dressing-room sex, and it’s top-tier fantasy.

Chapter Eleven

I never could have imagined that one of the most popular scenes in this book would be the confrontation with Sophia. I had no idea that “I stayed with him because he’s fucking awesome in bed” would become a reader favorite. I can’t even remember writing it. Was it a scene I struggled with? Did it come easily? I can’t recall.

Chapter Twelve

I wrote this scene a few times. Initially, Alayna and Hudson had sex in the limo. I wanted this book to be super spicy, and it seemed time for another steamy scene (which is crazy because they just had sex two chapters ago). But it didn’t read right with the sex. It killed the tension. The point is that Alayna is beginning to have some control for the first time, even though she’s with the man who she ultimately loves more than any other, and having sex with Hudson here contradicts that growth.

Chapter Thirteen

The second part of this chapter with Alayna creeping at Hudson’s workplace was a late addition. Originally, it skipped from her online stalking to her going to group. Hudson’s request for her to go to the symphony came via text. It didn’t go far enough into showing her slip into obsession so I added the elevator-riding scene.

Chapter Fourteen

I hadn’t realized it at the time, but this scene is obviously another throwback to Pretty Woman. It was a favorite movie during my formative years, and that opera scene was iconic.

Chapter Fifteen

My best friend from college, the one who had a sociopathic friend, is named Joe. I often sneak in characters named Joe in his honor. In this book, he’s Alayna’s prom date, the guy who made her chicken marsala when she hates mushrooms. Another fun fact, when I was in NYC on a theater trip with Joe, I ordered chicken marsala for dinner, not realizing what marsala was. Guess who else hates mushrooms? Joe very kindly let me switch meals with him. I don’t remember what it was, but it wasn’t covered with fungi.

Chapter Sixteen

This chapter contains one of my favorite scenes in the book. Again, it’s post-sex. Hudson asks, “What was your favorite part?” And then they have some pillow talk and then he promises he’ll always tell her the truth, and that means everything to her. Her obsession is so often driven by uncertainty, especially uncertainty of where she stands in her relationships. So she says, “This. This was my favorite part.” It gives me all the feels. Of course, Hudson is lying by omission at this point, but I think he believes he’s being honest with her. As honest as he’s ever been with anyone other than Celia, anyway. It’s a big moment for them both.

Chapter Seventeen

Two comments about this chapter. First, I can’t remember what I had at first, but I literally changed the food to cherry-flavored Blow Pops so I could send Blow Pops when I sent out swag. Second, my grandfather’s name is Jack. Makes sense why I chose the name for Hudson’s father, though I never connected it. Makes less sense why I then proceeded to have Jack flirt with Alayna. Strange how my mind works sometimes.

Chapter Eighteen

Here we find another nod to my friend Joe. He’s taken a bunch of the “best of” film lists and compiled them into one big list. For the last decade, he’s slowly made his way through watching all of the movies. I don’t have that kind of stamina, but I envy it. Alayna also has the commitment that I lack.

Chapter Nineteen

The overcritical Sophia was difficult for me to write. Her lines are always barbs and so often they set her up for a good jab back, whether it be from Alayna or Hudson or Jack. She made for good comedy and tension, but I think I was always a bit uncomfortable with making a mom the bad guy. My mom was a single mother, and I’m a mother with three kids. Even with a spouse, I recognize how hard the job is and how often mothers are blamed for their kids’ flaws and not credited for their strengths. It’s too easy to make mothers the villain, and I try not to lean into that so much these days. Fathers, on the other hand…

Chapter Twenty

I rewrote the conversation with Hudson and Alayna about Celia’s baby so many times. Originally, I think I’d planned for this to be the thing that came in and tore our happy couple apart. It sounded like a good idea when I was half plotting the book in my head (none of this trilogy was very plotted out beforehand), but when it came to writing it, it didn’t work. Alayna storming off from the beach scene in front of his family? About a relationship that was over? It was hypocritical for her to hold that over him, and a tantrum witnessed by his parents went against the entire job she’d been hired for. Eventually, I realized that Hudson had to be the obstacle, but it took a while to get there.

Chapter Twenty-One

Alayna’s realization that Hudson loved Sophia—really loved her—should probably have been a bigger deal. In many ways, it’s why she’s able to finally cut off Brian later that night. Because Alayna finally figures out that love isn’t enough between two family members, that there also has to be respect, and that’s never explicitly stated in her monologue. On the other hand, maybe she isn’t ready to be able to articulate that at this point, even in her mind.

Chapter Twenty-Two

I hoped there would be more books after this one for Alayna and Hudson, but I wasn’t sure it would happen. I also didn’t have any plans for what would happen next, so I wrapped up Fixed on You in such a way that it technically could be the end of their story. At least I thought I did. The way readers clamored for a follow-up, it would seem most of them disagreed.